Part of my deal with autism is that, while I have this weird drive to understand things very fundamentally (and that has given me lots of upsides, in the technical world of programming), I interface with people really bad.
Like, right now, I just left a "Town Hall" meeting because I thought it was a waste of time... Like, someone asked about a recent Emergency Board Meeting (where our CEO was fired) - whether there's a risk we might have another one... And I'm like "why would you ask that? That EGM was not because of our work, nor does it affect our work or you can do anything about the EGM, or asking about it helps you in any way)...
So, last year, we started really developing this project and it was more low-level coding and lots of work figuring out the best algorithms and an architecture that is both useful right now but also we can enhance in the future - I was ALL OVER that! Most of my colleagues have very little low-level skills... Or a scientific-method approach to making technical decisions... Or any above average problem solving abilities...
So, most of the team were doing what I call "configuration-oriented-development", where they just mix and match modules until something compiles... And when we needed to solve problems that are not readily explained in youtube... I dug into the code, debugged standard libraries, developed prototypes, etc...
And then during bonus calculations, my evaluation was "less then good" - :O
I put in personal time, personal resources (created Azure VM's on my own card when our DevOps were trying to be difficult)... I didn't just lay back and say "oh, this can't be done using available modules. So, it can't be done, period."
Turns out, while I was enabling the rest of the team to work, they were busy using my framework to implement some of the tasks.
And our manager, who knows nothing about development, counted each task they have done as "1 score" and the whole framework and all unique problems solved alongside making it as "1 score", which made me the least productive team member, which left me at a shock.
I kinda threw my toys out the pram and told them they have 1 week to arrange hosts/etc for all the resources I am currently providing out of pocket and that, if they got used to me taking jobs home and coming back in the morning with solutions, they can no longer expect that.
Especially annoying was that, while I loaded my self-evaluation form with actual references to work and feedback received, someone on the evaluation committee said one of my products "didn't work"... Which is an outright lie! Previously, That person, in writing, asked me to turn it on and do something with it, which I immediately responded with a result and an invitation to show them around and hand over the product. So, they can self-serve next time.
I've expressed my concerns with my manager and he said his hands are tied at this point. I thought it was weird this committee has no appealing process and if I wanted to change the "didn't work" report, I need to go to HR and start a grievance procedure against the person lying - which I only see as a hollow victory, at best...
I am just so disappointed. I thought they are going to love that I take things seriously and hit work with my best, which is clearly above the abilities and passion of the rest of the team :(
I didn't know the most important thing is how I advertise it to all sorts of people who have no idea what it means anyway and, kind of, "instill a feeling of confidence" rather than actually getting work done.
I think this is specific to the type of companies like the one I am currently employed at. I recall other employers were super happy that someone owns the scary tasks and can crack any problem, no matter how complex or low-level.
So, I've started looking for other jobs, which looks promising... I don't really want to leave but if I get some more money and also get put in a situation where I work with engineers who appreciate me, maybe that's the way to go...
On the other hand, it'll suck leaving my projects right now. They are like my babies, I know I've given parts of my health to get them DONE and not "perpetually in limbo"... That required some late night coding and giving up workouts and eating ready-meals instead of cooking something healthy and chilling with my partner.
I think got the wind knocked out of me and even if they change the process a bit to acknowledge my kind of work, I am just not happy with these PEOPLE.
For example: when I argued with my boss about that "didn't work" report, I noticed he was about to tell me who said that - I said: "NO, we don't talk about someone who isn't here. Let us all meet and argue fairly".
I think my boss in some ways just doesn't want to stir up things too much. I can get another job like the one I have now... He's a manager who can't really DO anything hands-on and is basically in this position due to seniority.
He later told me the name of the person complaining about my work... So, now, I don't trust my boss OR that person... I don't care really what process is being followed, if the process is bad and leaves room for lies and it involves working with people I don't respect.
It's OK not to know programming to a high degree or be able to solve all sorts of concurrency/socket/crypto problems. I still respect this kind of people.
I just don't respect lies and talking behind someone's back.
If this was some friendship/etc, I would just keep those "friends" for the entertainment value. However, my livelihood is on the line here, you can't mess with that!
Like, right now, I just left a "Town Hall" meeting because I thought it was a waste of time... Like, someone asked about a recent Emergency Board Meeting (where our CEO was fired) - whether there's a risk we might have another one... And I'm like "why would you ask that? That EGM was not because of our work, nor does it affect our work or you can do anything about the EGM, or asking about it helps you in any way)...
So, last year, we started really developing this project and it was more low-level coding and lots of work figuring out the best algorithms and an architecture that is both useful right now but also we can enhance in the future - I was ALL OVER that! Most of my colleagues have very little low-level skills... Or a scientific-method approach to making technical decisions... Or any above average problem solving abilities...
So, most of the team were doing what I call "configuration-oriented-development", where they just mix and match modules until something compiles... And when we needed to solve problems that are not readily explained in youtube... I dug into the code, debugged standard libraries, developed prototypes, etc...
And then during bonus calculations, my evaluation was "less then good" - :O
I put in personal time, personal resources (created Azure VM's on my own card when our DevOps were trying to be difficult)... I didn't just lay back and say "oh, this can't be done using available modules. So, it can't be done, period."
Turns out, while I was enabling the rest of the team to work, they were busy using my framework to implement some of the tasks.
And our manager, who knows nothing about development, counted each task they have done as "1 score" and the whole framework and all unique problems solved alongside making it as "1 score", which made me the least productive team member, which left me at a shock.
I kinda threw my toys out the pram and told them they have 1 week to arrange hosts/etc for all the resources I am currently providing out of pocket and that, if they got used to me taking jobs home and coming back in the morning with solutions, they can no longer expect that.
Especially annoying was that, while I loaded my self-evaluation form with actual references to work and feedback received, someone on the evaluation committee said one of my products "didn't work"... Which is an outright lie! Previously, That person, in writing, asked me to turn it on and do something with it, which I immediately responded with a result and an invitation to show them around and hand over the product. So, they can self-serve next time.
I've expressed my concerns with my manager and he said his hands are tied at this point. I thought it was weird this committee has no appealing process and if I wanted to change the "didn't work" report, I need to go to HR and start a grievance procedure against the person lying - which I only see as a hollow victory, at best...
I am just so disappointed. I thought they are going to love that I take things seriously and hit work with my best, which is clearly above the abilities and passion of the rest of the team :(
I didn't know the most important thing is how I advertise it to all sorts of people who have no idea what it means anyway and, kind of, "instill a feeling of confidence" rather than actually getting work done.
I think this is specific to the type of companies like the one I am currently employed at. I recall other employers were super happy that someone owns the scary tasks and can crack any problem, no matter how complex or low-level.
So, I've started looking for other jobs, which looks promising... I don't really want to leave but if I get some more money and also get put in a situation where I work with engineers who appreciate me, maybe that's the way to go...
On the other hand, it'll suck leaving my projects right now. They are like my babies, I know I've given parts of my health to get them DONE and not "perpetually in limbo"... That required some late night coding and giving up workouts and eating ready-meals instead of cooking something healthy and chilling with my partner.
I think got the wind knocked out of me and even if they change the process a bit to acknowledge my kind of work, I am just not happy with these PEOPLE.
For example: when I argued with my boss about that "didn't work" report, I noticed he was about to tell me who said that - I said: "NO, we don't talk about someone who isn't here. Let us all meet and argue fairly".
I think my boss in some ways just doesn't want to stir up things too much. I can get another job like the one I have now... He's a manager who can't really DO anything hands-on and is basically in this position due to seniority.
He later told me the name of the person complaining about my work... So, now, I don't trust my boss OR that person... I don't care really what process is being followed, if the process is bad and leaves room for lies and it involves working with people I don't respect.
It's OK not to know programming to a high degree or be able to solve all sorts of concurrency/socket/crypto problems. I still respect this kind of people.
I just don't respect lies and talking behind someone's back.
If this was some friendship/etc, I would just keep those "friends" for the entertainment value. However, my livelihood is on the line here, you can't mess with that!